I found out about your site about half a year ago. Today I decide to share my story, to encourage people like me to keep stay strong. Sorry for the bad English.
I found out I’m in depression in June 2017. To be right, I have been feeling something was wrong for many year but I don’t have enough courage to admit it to myself.
In that day, I just wanna crying – out loud, but I could not. Inside me? Emptiness and so my tears (or maybe i have cried too many times so i could not have ability to cry anymore). Nothing specific happened that day. I just broke, like a giant ancient wall turn to dust in a blink. The day after, i met a psychotherapist and the result is certainly: I’m in badly depression. That drag out and explain a lots everything else: insomnia, bipolar, lost of taste, fastly exhausted, coffee and cigarette depending, memories lost,…
When the dr asked what happened, i couldn’t say anything. The first sign ever come happened 7 years ago is the only thing I could be remember.
So I decide to stop. I lost many jobs, many career opportunities; losing many relationship, hurt a lot of people; make my family to be broken; and kill myself slowly. I stood between choices: finish my life or continue a useless, hopeless and meaningless life.
In that time, there was a lady, a friend, a career mentor, found out something wrong with me. I talked to her a lot but didn’t mention about my problems, my past and my suicidal thought. That when she said a meaning thing to me, a thing I could never forget:
“There be days when you wake up, the decision to open your eyes and continue live another day maybe the bravest thing you ever done”.
That when I realize she have been there. That when I realize I have fighting for many years, bravely and strongly. There no use to give up right now. There is always a hope for positive and meaning life waiting for you. You just only need keep fighting and keep fight no matter what. And the most important, you are not alone.
I decided to take medicine, moved to new place, find new hobbies, fix those broken relationships and a broken family, and get a semicolon tattoo on my shoulder to remind me every time it getting worse.
Recently, it have been come back. But I will not lose this fight, not anymore.
I know you all out there, fighting strongly and bravely every day and every moment. You have fall into the deepest parts, so you could fly to the highest places. That, is what I believe in all of us, what I believe in myself.
Don’t lose hope, don’t give up on yourself. We are warrior and forever we shall be.
-P.P. 02/03/2018